Sat, May 5
... Rainbow-erical order
I needed this weekend. I hadn't realized how much I missed Lyns until I got to see her again. And I hadn't realized quite how well she knows me until she figured out what was going on--something I hadn't told anyone--within 10 minutes of seeing me!! I miss that crazy nut.
I walked into her room, and there was all this stuff on the walls that used to be in our bedroom, or kitchen, or living room... and it looks so wrong being in there. It was just not right to have that stuff in her bedroom, not in our bedroom. It really is hard to move on. It's easy to pack up my stuff, unpack it in a different place, and make it look like a real house, not a battle zone in the cardboard box war. But it's a lot harder to move on from the relationships. I can't call Kim, Amy, or Beth my roommates, because they're not; not in the truest sense of the word. I don't even want them to be, which may sound bad, but I know that I'm only there for 4 months,and I can't bond so tightly with everyone.
I can't just call Lyn my friend, because she's more than that. In some ways, the past 8 months feels like a time warp. I look at my relationship with Jen, and think, "How can I know so little about someone I've lived with for 8 months?" In a lot of ways, I don't know her, not at all. At the same time, I feel like I've known Lyns all my life; like we've always known everything about each other. And Shannon fits right in the middle. There's a lot that I don't know, but a lot that I do.
We affect each other so much. Sayings, phrases, ideas, preferences. I have never listened to as much hardcore punk music as I did living with Shan. I still don't really like it, but I can tell the difference between "good" punk and "bad" punk. Things that are not in "rainbow-erical" order bother me now. That's something that I never, ever used to think about, but now, after living with 2 rainbow fanatics, I notice these things. The words "Oh my gosh!!!" have a completely different connotation to them now, as do strange "swear" words, Turet's syndrome, and certain body parts and functions. It is a time warp, and it isn't. There's no way to go back into the "before" world and live the same way as we did before, because we're so different for having known and loved each other, but we can't hang onto the 8 months that we did live together. We don't anymore, and things are different.
Some things will always be the same, though--Lyns can still read my mind, and it still only takes her 10 minutes to figure out what's going on. :o)
infinite || abyss
posted at 2:07 p.m.
