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Alida: A 23-year-old Canadian exploring the infinite abyss that is New York City.

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Uncle Richard, me, and James Earl Jones - Tuesday, Apr. 04, 2006
So beautiful when the boy smiles - Sunday, Apr. 02, 2006
One way or another - Sunday, Dec. 25, 2005
Way up high - Saturday, Dec. 10, 2005
Reason to start over new - Friday, Dec. 09, 2005

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Wednesday, Nov. 09, 2005
... Strummy-strummy-la-la
The latest dilemma.

Last night, I was at my Bible study, and afterwards, I was hanging out with Ryan, John, and Matt, just talking. Ryan's the group leader, and Matt and John are kind of apprentice leaders, and Ryan asked me if I want to be a part of their in-club. Not lead any of these discussions (b/c we're already over halfway through the book), but sit in on their debrief and discussion times, and generally be a part of the "inner core."

Anyways. After the group last night, we were talking, and I made a comment about "this year." I think it was job-related--something about how it'll be a huge test of my patience to stay at Starbucks this year, or how it'll make for a very long year, or something like that.

Ryan said something along the lines of, "I know it's different than missing family, and that everyone in Calgary wishes that you were still there, but even though we've only known you for a couple of months, I still think, 'Wow, I really don't want Alida to leave; I like having her around, and I'd miss her if she was gone.'"

The conversation moved on after that, but it was just an interesting thing for me to hear, and it made me think about the balance between missing home, planning to be here for only a year, being open to God changing my plans, enjoying my life here, treasuring and nurturing my relationships in Calgary, and building new ones here. That's a lot of things to balance.

I don't want to miss out on what God has for me here because I'm so fixated on "a year from now." I don't want to alienate potential friends here, because I'm so constantly talking about "well, I'm only going to be here for a year," and avoiding any sense of permanence. I don't want to neglect the people at home that I love so dearly, though, either. I want to be involved at church; I want to really experience everything that I can. I want to make friends and go out and feel like I'm living a life here, not just visiting for a while. Because I am--I do live here, at least for now.

And I'm going to try to make a conscious effort to try to stop using "for the next year," or "it's just for a year" so much in my conversations. Not because that's not true--because it is--but because I don't want my focus to be 10 months down the road. I want it to be here, and when the time comes for 10 months down the road to be here, then that'll be the focus.

Words of wisdom, anyone? Anyone? Been there, done that, got the t-shirt?
infinite || abyss

posted at 10:45 p.m.