Sun, Oct. 3
... Bring me a dream
I got off work at 9 this evening. I didn't leave the store until 11.
That place is good for me. Becky and I spent 2 hours just hanging out and talking after we closed and Blair went home. It's days like today that remind me why I'm there. Those are the days that God reminds me.
It's been a good week. There have been a lot of emotions brought up and a lot of lessons that I've started to learn, but when I look back at the big picture, it has been quite the week. A learning, growing, loving, stretching week.
When I was typing that list, I'm not exactly sure why I wrote "loving" in there, but it fits. I saw love, experienced love, received love, felt love, gave love in different ways this week than I have in a while, and it's made all the difference. That's what it comes down to. I saw God's love, and I've seen myself love others in ways that I don't often.
It's like I've been watching myself in third person this week--I'm somewhere outside the situation, seeing myself live this life, sometimes wondering how I got where I am today; sometimes marvelling at how far I've come. This week especially. This has been a week of wonder at the ways that God has changed my life in the past few years.
I wonder how I've changed in the past year. I've seen the people around me change, and I'm sure I have, but I just don't see it the same way in myself as I do in others. Which isn't a bad thing--I mean, I know that I've seen Blair, for instance, change so much in the past year, and yet he still says sometimes that he doesn't think he's really changed at all since high school. I mean, I can see that, and I'm not nearly as close to him as his family and the people have known him for many years. So, I think that if I've seen him change that much, I must have changed at least somewhat in the past year, and I just wonder how. If I could see myself completely objectively, what would I think?
Yeah, that store is a good place for me. I let myself forget it far too often and far too easily, but it's a great thing. It's really where I need to be, and it fulfills some of the most important things in my life.
I'm looking forward to this week, too... there are things on my plate that should be a lot of fun, and things starting up that will be challenging, exciting, and I've been waiting for a while for them.
I sound so rosy-posy-pie-in-the-sky. It's not that life is perfect right now--it's definitely not. There are some things that have come up this week that are more challenging than anything I've dealt with in a while. I've delved more deeply into my past this week than I've let myself go for many months. Even though it's difficult, though, I can see God in it.
It's funny... I've got a clearer view of God in my life right now than I've had in a long time. It's not that he's working more, or is being more obvious, it's just that I've opened my eyes and I'm seeing it more clearly. I'm looking around me and understanding that there are things that God is doing, and I can recognize them. It's exciting.
It goes back to that sense of wonder. Being amazed at the way God is working, and seeing things in a fresh way.
infinite || abyss
posted at 11:17 p.m.
