Sun, Jan 20
... On the rooftop
The sky was purply black, with the galaxies clustered above us and a lopsided moon just rising. If music means a lot to me, so do stars, and I missed them desperately in the city, where the streetlights and neon signs take away from the starts so that only the most brilliant ones are visible. If I'm confused, or upset, or angry, if I can go out and look at the stars I'll almost always get back a sense of proportion. It's not that they make me feel insignificant; it's very the opposite; they make me feel that everything matters, be it ever so small, and that there's meaning to life even when it seems most meaningless.A Ring of Endless Light, Madeleine L'Engle
I need to go sit on the roof again. I remember sitting up there last year with Noah and Laura; watching the stars, singing songs, trying to escape the sense of loneliness and abandonment that we all felt. Lying flat on your back, you can almost forget that you're in the middle of the city; if you can look beyond the lights and the roofs, you feel so much closer to the stars.
I went up there on my own, too. Me and my Bible, and a walkman with some amazing instrumental and worship music... just God and me, watching the sun go down.
I haven't been up there in over a year... it seems like I get too busy, or life doesn't seem like it needs it. Or maybe I'm just scared to get that close again. I don't know what'll happen if I get so close that I can almost touch the stars. You can't get that close and not be changed, and maybe I'm scared of what the changes will bring.
Maybe that, though, is why I need to get up there now more than ever. Once it gets warmer... and there's another excuse. Because once it gets warmer, I'll have forgotten all about it, and life will just go on, the stars hidden by the artificial lights of business. If I go up there, will you still meet me? Of course you will... you've just been waiting for me to come back and visit again.
infinite || abyss
posted at 5:31 p.m.
