Sun, Mar. 17
... First place?
The last thing I want is to be a burden. The last thing I want is for someone else to suffer because of me, or for someone else to be put out because I'm cranky and not in a good mood.
Some days, I feel like such an old lady. I feel like I've lived a lifetime already and seen more than my share, and I'm just old and tired of the world. I get so sick of people my parents' age saying, "You're so young... you still have your entire life ahead of you... you'll look back on this as the time of your life..." Yes. I know I'm young. I don't need to have it rubbed in. Right now, the prospects of having my entire life ahead of me and this being the best time of my life are grim ones, to say the least. I do not need to be reminded of this on a constant basis. Just let me live my life, okay?
I know you've been through more than I have. So screw me for not having the life experience you do. That's fine. I'll have it someday. I don't know. But I do have experiences you have never had, because no two people have the exact same experiences in life. Don't belittle them or downplay them, or my feelings, or my role, because it's every bit as valid as yours. And if you don't think so, I'll go get an 80-year-old grandma to come talk about how you're still such a spring chicken.
Heh. I guess I still have a little fight left in me today. I didn't think I did. I thought I was all drained of any and all emotion whatsoever, but I guess not. I think that did it, though. I can't handle any more for today. Sad that a half-hearted rant about being young can drain me like that.
I don't want to be the burden anymoreI don't want to be the one looked out for. But at the same time, I want someone to protect me. I want someone to be there for me, to hold me until the hurt stops and tell me that everything's going to be okay. I want to have someone to tell things to; I want to be the first on someone's confidante list.
Okay, now I'm drained. I'm going to bed. I'm exhausted, shattered, drained, out of energy, ready to crash. I need sleep. I need a loooong sleep. But I'm afraid I won't get it. At least, not as much as I want. Oh well. :o)
infinite || abyss
posted at 9:49 p.m.
