Mon, Dec. 2
... Play our heart's lament like an unrehearsed symphony
I don't want to keep coming back to the same place. It seems that I'm always forced to deal with the same thing, in some way or another... God keeps bringing it into my life, and I have to face it.
No, I'm not the one who has to face it head-on. I'm not the one who has to deal with the demons, but I don't see how it keeps coming back to this, time and again.
I wish I could ignore it. I wish I could look the other way, pretend it's not real, and avoid all the people that I know it's affected. But I can't. I have to see it. I have no choice in the matter, as much as I wish I did.
Am I being prepared for something? If so, I shudder to think what. I hate to think what this might be a preparation for. I don't want to go there.
But every time I hear about another one, every time I see another face, every time someone tells another story, my heart breaks, and I wonder. I wonder how they felt; I wonder what would compel someone to that. I wonder what goes through their minds when everything looks fine on the outside; I wonder what I would do in that situation. Most of all, I wonder how this can hurt me so much as an innocent bystander, and I wonder how much it hurts God's heart to watch, if it hurts me that much just by watching.
One year ago today: Last night... Oh good memories. Team BC... Huoh!! Yah for us. Yay for watching the video that anyone else in the world would think was silly and pointless, but it's got priceless memories in it... yay for mocking each other out from a year ago... yay for just hanging out and having fun together. And definitely yay for lots of fun quotes. I love my drama buddies a lot. I'm glad that we get to be together for a long time. :o)
infinite || abyss
posted at 1:30 p.m.
