Tues, Nov 20
... Here comes the...
Ummmmm..... Okay. I'm not exactly sure what to be writing here tonight. We had a good rehearsal tonight... things are going pretty smoothly. Obviously, there are still some glitches, but nothing too major that can't be fixed. Tomorrow we get a preview audience; Thursday is opening night.
Laurel and I had an entertaining experience today... we went over to Wendy's to buy some supper, and we went through the drive-through in completel hair and makeup. No costumes, but the rest of it was there. Including her black spray-painted, hockey puck bun on the top of her head. So that was fun, but what was even funnier was the fact that we went through twice in about 3 minutes, because we were both paying with debit, and we needed to pay separately. They gave us some pretty odd looks! Ah well... that's half the fun of it! It's hilarious to walk into 260 with all the hairspray and everything, and get automatically high from all the fumes up there!
Anyways, enough about the show for now. I feel like I haven't posted anything deeper (I won't say "deep," because I'm not sure if my thoughts are ever truly deep) for a while. None of my "inner self"--just the superficial that goes on day to day. And lately, that hasn't even been that interesting... it's all been about the show. That's where my life is revolving lately. But I said enough of that for now.
Some of us were talking a bit letting God take over. About what it means to let him have total control. About how one area of my life where I try to hold on is relationships. I know that; I've known that for a long time. I do what I want, and then somehow try to convince myself that everything that I've dreamed about, worked towards, pursued is really God's doing, and not mine. I don't know how to "give it over," though. That's so much easier said than done. And a relationship--marriage someday--is so much of what I've built myself up to be that I don't know how to let go of it and be me without that dream. Okay, let me rephrase. I don't have to give up the dream. Wait, I do. This isn't making sense, even to me. I need to learn to give it up to God, but I don't believe that he would give that to me, and implant it so deeply into me, just to take it away. And yes, I know that this sounds a lot like the conversation, but it's nothing new from what I've been thinking, and the advice I've given other people. Sometimes, it just takes someone else's voice saying what you already know to make it real enough to believe.
infinite || abyss
posted at 10:28 p.m.
