Read Between the Lines

Sat, Dec. 21

... Even the day must give way to the night

I missed you today, and I don't know why... but I wanted to be able to do my Christmas shopping with you.

Do I miss you, or just the thought of you? Sometimes, it's a little bit of both, and I can't quite discern which is which.

We never had Christmas together, and today, I felt like I had been ripped off. This should have been our third Christmas, just the beginning of who knows how many. We should have had some established traditions by now, starting to form our own identity, mixing yours and mine, and making something completely new and different. I missed watching you put up the tree. I wanted to leave cookies and milk out for Santa and giggle like little kids about what would be left under the tree. We should have raced downstairs on Christmas morning to open our stockings, however meager they may have been.

All of this should be normal by now, but instead, it's another Christmas alone.

Surrounded by family and friends, yes. In a place that I love with people that love me, yes. Doing what I love doing, and being satisfied in the knowledge of God's presence and his blessing on my life and work, yes. Peaceful, yes. Joyful, yes.

But alone? Moreso than ever.
infinite || abyss

posted at 4:25 p.m.

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