Sat, Mar. 23
... Riding my trike
So. When Laura and I are bored and decide to hang out, interesting things happen. Tonight we decided to go downtown and hang out, so we didn't end up sitting at home playing "The Farming Game" with her mom.
So we decided to go downtown and walk around until we found something to do? Laura wanted to do karaoke, so we were just walking around until we found this place, Viva Jak's, and went in, inadvertantly crashing a stagette party. It was an interesting evening, I suppose.
At least we didn't go to the rodeo. I mean, come on, I grew up in a hick-town--I don't need to subject myself to any more than the 2 weeks of Stampede! :o) That, I can handle, and handle well. Anything else, not so much. Ah well...
I want to get married so badly. I worked a wedding today, and it was so incredibly beautiful. I long for that--not the beautiful wedding, but the beautiful relationship--so intensely. I want that fulfillment in my life, and I feel like I'm missing out on so much.
But not yet, apparently. I get so scared, though, that I'm going to miss out. That all my friends are going to get married and move on to that next stage of life, and I'll still be stuck here, and I'll lose contact with them, and not have those friendships as closely as I do now. I'm afraid that I'll get left behind. I want that someone to be my absolute best friend, that I can still have those great friendships with other people, but at the end of the day, I know I have a best friend there, no matter what. I don't want to be stuck trying to build a life with other single people when the people I've been closest to are married and moving on. I want to move on with them, and right now I'm not.
I feel like the little kid riding her tricycle behind all the big kids on their bikes. "Wait for meeee!!! I can't catch up!!! Slow down!" I'm in the dust, pedalling furiously to catch up, and only lagging further and further behind than ever.
infinite || abyss
posted at 11:36 p.m.
