Tues, Mar. 1
... Happy when skies are grey
I've been thinking lately about the concept of "peers." Growing up, it seems to be all about the peer group, and there's very defined, black and white line between them. Grades are probably the most obvious--for 12 years, you're with the same people, learing the same things, in the same stage of life. Yeah, everyone comes from a different background, but when it comes to where we're going and how we're getting there, at that age, it's pretty much the same.
It's funny, though, how peers become less and less defined the older you get--and how the definition of a peer gets more and more fuzzy, for lack of a better word.
Even in college, I was "peers" with most of my classmates in the sense that we were studying the same things, and in the same space academically, but as they started to get married, move on, get jobs, those lines became more blurred--peers in one segment of life, and not another.
Now, I think that many of the people that would have been my "peers" five years ago aren't anymore. You know what I mean? Kat, Lynsae, and Jen are all married--and Kat and Lyns are both moms. Kim and Laura are still students--and furthermore, Laura's a hick! Laurel is pursuing a career more than I am, plus she's dating someone, and I'm not. Those are all people that, several years ago, were at the exact same place as I was, and now... they're not. We're at different places, moving in similar, but not identical, directions.
So if they're not my peers anymore, who is? My coworkers? Ismarys? Well, she's a 36-year-old mom. Maybe we're peers on one level, but definitely not another. Blair? Closer, maybe, but he's my boss, which means that technically he can't be my peer in that sense. Besides, I've got a degree, and he's been working since high school--that's some level of disparity. Becky? Well, if the fact that Blair is my boss is a point of contention, she's even moreso the boss. Besides, she's my mother's age, so that doesn't work.
So does that mean that I have no peers? I guess I don't; at least, not in the sense that I did when I was younger. Not like the peer group of junior high or elementary school or whatever.
I've come to the realization, though, that it doesn't matter. Every single person on that list is a friend. Each one of them is important to me, and is someone that I love dearly. Some, I see more often than others. Some, I only talk to a few times a year, and we spend hours catching up. Some I see every day.
I can spend hours with any of them, though, regardless of who's married, who's in school, who's single, who's got kids, who's working, who's not... those are so unimportant.
How unfulfilling and shallow would my life be if my friendships were defined by the exact place I find myself in in life? I think that as we get older, peers are an increasingly over-rated concept. Why shouldn't I be friends with mothers and employers and students and pastors and teachers and...
Who came up with the idea that we thrive best when we spend the majority of our time with people our own age, in our own stage of life? That's a prety narrow view of friendship, and, to be honest, it doesn't say much for society's view of how children can interact with adults.
Maybe that's why more and more kids these days have problems relating to and making intelligent conversation with adults--no one thinks they're capable. So does that translate into adulthood? We've suddenly become incapable of having a friendship that's defined outside the lines of common experience?
I dunno. But I know that for me, it would be pretty boring--and honestly, it would take more time to constantly be finding people who are exactly where I am than it does to just make the effort and build the friendships that are already sitting right in my lap.
One year ago today: We were up until 5 moving stuff from our house to Logan's new house, then to my new house, then to the farm. Best option after that was just to crash in sleeping bags on the floor in our old house, since we still had a bit of cleaning to do this morning. So, we were up at 8:30, finished cleaning, and everything was out by the time the landlord got there at 10.
infinite || abyss
posted at 10:01 a.m.
