Wed, Oct. 20
... To brighten up the darkness in my life
One last entry from the road... not that there have been that many from the road anyways. I'm surprisingly high-functioning for someone running on an average of 5 hours of sleep a night.
So the tour is officially over. There's just the 13 or so hours in the car tomorrow to get home from here. We will have been in Winnipeg for approximately 14 hours by the time we turn around and go home. Funny--the last time I was in this city was on tour, and we were only here for about 5 hours before we got back into the car and kept going.
Hmmm. I just found out that an opportunity that I thought was dead has reawakened, and I'm not sure what to do about that. I don't know if the season for it is so past that I can't even think about it anymore, or if it's a viable option right now.
I knew this was going to happen.
Well, maybe not exactly, but I had some idea that something more might come of it. Oy vey. Now I just don't know what to do.
I got to talk to Logan last night. We were in Saskatoon, so I was hoping we'd be able to get together for coffee or something, but that didn't work out... we did get to talk on the phone for a good long time, though.
It came at the right time, too. Most of the conversation was just catching up and talking about life, but we talked about art and music and theatre, too, and it was nice to have that perspective thrown into the mix of what I experienced all week. Nice to have someone remind me that even though I'm a "theatre person," I still do have music in me, and the dichotomy that often seems to be there between the two is something that splits me in two, too. Theatre may have been what I've chosen as a career, but that doesn't mean that I love music any less, and hanging out with all these musicians all week is an easy way to discredit my own musicality. But it was good to talk to Logan and to be reminded that I am both, even if one takes precendence over the other.
Anyways. It's going to be another fairly short night, and who knows whether I'll sleep in the van tomorrow. It depends on where I sit, honestly. Today, I had an "aisle seat," so I didn't sleep at all, even though I didn't go to bed until almost 2, and was up before 5.
I've been having some really good, really stretching conversations, though, and I'm glad I've gotten to know all these people that I didn't know before. It's a good thing. Lots to process, but that's not bad.
One year ago today: Janna asked me the other day, out of the blue, if Brian was my first love. And as easy a question as that should be to answer, it never has been. I've never been able to answer it without large amounts of difficulty.
infinite || abyss
posted at 11:25 p.m.
