Tues, May. 28
... We all know where to hide to not be found
*sigh* Can I just say again how much I love warm weather? I may be getting redundant, but I don't care. When you had snow until the middle of May, you don't take the nice weather for granted! :o) One of these days, I might even get a tan. Or more likely a burn, but anything other than pasty white is an improvement. Besides, a burn will fade to a tan.
Yesterday, we were talking about being a team, and how we'll be bonded, frustrated, upset, hurt, encouraged, and so many other emotions by each other. Cindy was commenting that we'll have to be honest with each other, and not just withdraw, or blow up, or anything. She said something that she's said many times in class or whatever, but it made me think, yet again.
Anger isn't a true emotion. It's a transitory one. Think about it. When you're angry, most often it's because you're hurt, embarrassed, frustrated, betrayed, sad, or some other, more real, emotion. It's easier to be angry, though, than it is to be any of the others. They require too much vulnerability. They're more real. Anger is so easy... it just covers everything else up, and puts you on the defensive, instead of forcing you to be real with what's hidden beneath the anger.
It's an interesting thought. I'd never realized it before, but when you stop to think about it, it's so true. And anger makes everything harder to resolve...
I'm not saying that it's not a valid emotion, because it is. It's there, and that validates it. That doesn't always make it right, nor is it always wrong, but it's valid. It's not really real, though. It's transitory. It leads to something else. Even if my initial reaction to something may be anger, it's because of something else, and to really "get over" it, I have to recognize what that "something else" is and find out how to see past the anger to work out the rest of the story.
Anyways. Just a thought to ponder.
I can't believe it's been two years since grad already. I look at some of the people who are graduating now and think, "No! You're not allowed to! You're still so young!" But really, they're just as old as I was, and I thought I was so mature. Not really. And in five years, I'll look back at myself now and say, "Not really." At least, I hope I will. I hope I never get to the point where I can look back on life a few years ago and say, "I was as mature then as I am now." If I ever get to the point where I've learned as much about life as I think I can, I'm in a sad state.
I've learned so much in the past two years, and I've grown so much, nad all of that has helped shape who I am now, but I'm nowhere near "there" yet. I'm nowhere near where I'll be, or where I want to be.
infinite || abyss
posted at 5:53 p.m.
