Sat, Nov. 9
... Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy
I'm so restless tonight. All I've really done since I got home from work at around 1 is read and write. A quick trip to Wal-Mart, a little bit of TV, and that's about it. It's just been my words and me all day. It's an interesting feeling. I'm very... thoughtful. I can almost express my thoughts to myself with more clarity than I often can. Not quite--my thoughts are rarely in a packaged enough form to process that quickly--but more than usual.
Question. Does anyone else find friendship to be as infuriatingly addictive as I do? Sometimes, I wish I could be solitary. There are days when I just wish I could go it alone, without friends, without connections, without love, without ties. It would make life so much easier.
Even when I feel like that, though, it's because I want so much more... I want more fulfilling friendships; more honesty; more integrity; more life and vigor and health to them. It's a funny paradox that I get the most frustrated when I want the most out of it, and it's the times when I want more that I want to give up and I wonder if it's all worth it.
Of course it is.
Some days, though, I have to continually remind myself of that fact, because if I don't, I start to think that it would be easier to just become a hermit and live the rest of my days (or at least the ones remaining until I get married) in an apartment with a cat. Or 52.
I don't like cats that much, though. I only want one. Not 51 more. So that means I'll have to keep up at least enough human companionship to fill the hours when said cat is sleeping. Felines will only do so much for you, you know.
*sigh* People can be so much more complex than cats.
Life is highly overrated.
Not living.
Life.
infinite || abyss
posted at 11:20 p.m.
