Sat, Jan 19
... Song as old as rhyme
I get to talk to my Lynsae! I've missed her so much... but, of course, we're as connected as ever. I love how we can go for weeks without talking at all, and still know exactly what each other's feeling and thinking. I miss her, though... It would be nice to be living together again. But... that's not how it works. Ah well. She still knows me super well, and I still love her super much. :o)
I've been really into listening to some of my old tapes from junior high lately. Stuff like, Celine Dion, the Kry, Michael W. Smith... stuff like that. Especially Celine Dion lately, though. I used to be super into her stuff, and now I think I just need to listen to some sappy love songs.
All these engagements are depressing me. I mean, I'm totally happy for them... I really am. I just wonder when it's going to be my turn. It feels like I'm the only one without at least a boyfriend, if not a fiance. Seriously, though, of my close friends; of the people I hang out with and talk to a lot, Laura's the only other girl without someone. It's lonely sometimes.
And I know, I'm not putting all my worth in finding a guy, because that's not what it is. I realize that it might sound like it sometimes, but that's not the way it is. It's more that I know that it's just God and I, and that's all it needs to be, but I have such an intense desire for more. I do see, though, how God's becoming enough. How, regardless of everything else going on, I'm still not depressed, or angry, or even as upset as I would have been or might have been.
Of course I'm a bit sad. Of course I want to know. But it's truly me and God, and that's truly what's getting me through. That's all that's getting me through right now.
infinite || abyss
posted at 2:12 p.m.
