Sat, Nov 10
... When Happily Ever After Begins... or Ends
It was supposed to be something to last a lifetime, and he found something better. Something that appealed to him more than the promises he made. It's quite disillusioning, and it's not even hurting me! Okay, if it's affecting me in some way, I suppose that it's technically "hurting" me, but I mean that it's not hurting me in the same way that it's hurting their kids, or her, or the rest of their close friends and family. I'm just an outside observer, yet I'm an outside observer hoping, looking, praying, dreaming about finding my Prince Charming someday, and not finding out twenty years down the road that he's leaving for a newer model.
I'm still holding out for that dream; still longing, still waiting... and it feels like I've been waiting forever. Pretty pathetic, since I'm not quite even 20 yet. But I feel like it's something I've been waiting for forever.
I'm not waiting for my gallant prince on a white steed to come and sweep me away into a fairy tale world where there are no problems, because I know that's not realistic, and stories like that don't happen in real life. I'm waiting for my gallant prince to come sweeting into my life on his white steed and move in, taking on my mood swings, bills, kids, mortgage payments, good days, bad days, family squabbles, fights, disagreements, amazingly happy times, unbelievably sad times, PMS, broken dreams, unfulfilled wishes, surprise happy endings, miracles, answered prayers, leaps of faith...
And yet, I can't seem to find him. He isn't finding me. Or if he has, he's not letting me know. Maybe I'm being too impatient, but I want my fairy tale dream to come true.
I'd hoped I'd never feel that same way again, but I've been feeling increasingly more and more dissatisfied. Therein lies my problem; I know that intellectually. I want a relationship so badly that it's overshadowing so much of
life and it's becoming too much of a focal point. God has his timing, and it's not mine, and when I try to write the story myself, it goes awry, and nothing seems to turn out right. I'm trying to take over the writing from the master storyteller who's had a plot scheme up his sleeve for longer than I've been around, and I'm trying to put my two cents' worth, even though I can't see further ahead of my face than the end of my nose.
So, what to do about it? Change my attitude and priorities. Easier said than done. But it's been happening lately in other areas, so I know it's not impossible. Actually, yah it is; it's just not impossible for Him. Just for me.
infinite ||
abyss
posted at 10:54 p.m.
