Mon, Nov 12
... A longing fulfilled is a tree of life
The moment of breakthrough is the most incredible moment. The moment when everything that's been seen only through a haze comes into focus and more of the pieces fit together than have been fitting for a long time. That single moment in time when God's presence is unbelievably real, present, and tangible, and everything else fades into the background. It's amazing how quickly it can come, too. How all the bitterness and anger; all the frustration and disappointment can fade so quickly in the presence of His holy light.
Not because I'm perfect, because I'm so far from it that it's laughable. But because he's perfect, and because he's the one taking me through all those baby steps I was talking about before. The tiny steps to freedom that can't seem to come fast enough, that become frustrating because they're too slow for my taste. The tiny steps, that he picked me up tonight and set me a few more steps further along in my journey than I was this afternoon.
The beauty comes in the promise. The promise that "The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house, and in this place I will grant peace." (Haggai 2:9) The reminder that, no matter where I'm at, it's not where God wants me to stay. The realization that I'm not there yet, that I'm not perfect, that I'll still make more mistakes than I can count, that my selfishness will still guide too much of my life, that as hard as I try to live the way God wants me to, I will still always fail, but that through all of that, I'm still loved more than I can fathom, and I still have my Abba to take me past my failures and into his victory.
One of my favorite songs has always been this one (by Michael W. Smith), but this time, it relates to myself. I miss who I used to be, but not on my own, I'm getting back to where I was born to be.
Once a true believer
Once there was
Fire in your soul
You were the epitome
Of blessed faith astir
With thirst for holiness
And hunger for the Word
Now you move in other circles
To the beat of different drums
And I see only glimpses of
The one you used to be
The inspiration that
You were to me
I miss the way His love would
Dance within your eyes
I miss the way His heart
Was the soul of your life
And somewhere in
The saddest part of Heaven's room
Our Father sheds a tear for you
He's missing you, too
Some are calling you a prodigal
Some aren't calling you at all
But far away someone is
Calling you back home
Do you hear it anymore
Out there on your own
infinite || abyss
posted at 11:36 p.m.
