Sun, Nov 18
... I didn't mean to!
I don't like it when my friends are sad. It makes me sad, especially when I'm happy... when things are going well for me, I don't like to see my friends sad. Maybe that's selfish, but it really hurts me to see them hurt. I don't want them not to hurt because I don't want to hurt for them, but I don't want them to hurt because it makes them sad.
Boys are dumb. They make life complicated, and when life's complicated, no one's very happy. Why can't relationships be simple? Although I do have a theory on that too--if they were simple, they wouldn't be worth it. Relationships are those things that we're supposed to treasure, and we're supposed to hold onto those few special ones more dearly than gold. I know that the ones I treasure most, though, are the ones that I've had to work the hardest for. The ones I've had to sacrifice, cry, pray, and fight for--the ones that don't come handed to me on a silver platter--are the ones I treasure the most, and the ones that I'm most determined to see work out in the end. And that goes for all relationships--friends, family, "significant others," all of them. So maybe that's why God lets them be so difficult.
Of course, some of that is just the fact that we're silly humans, and we screw things up, and get ourselves into big messes because we don't think through what we're doing, and that makes things worse than they were before. Ya know, silly things that, if we were thinking clearly, we'd never say or do, but we do, and we hurt people more than we ever intended to. I think that the reason the people we love hurt us most, and the reason we hurt the people we love the most, is because they're the ones we're most honest with. They're the ones who see the things that we have to hide from the rest of the world, and they're the ones who can hurt us most deeply, because they're the ones whose opinions we care about most.
They're also the ones I want to hurt the least. I would do anything I could to keep from hurting them, yet it always seems like I do, somehow or another. The bad choices I make are the ones that manage to hurt them more than I ever intended to. The split-second decisions that don't seem like that big a deal suddenly turn into a huge thing that I never intended, never wanted; and then there are hurt feelings and broken trust I never meant to have happen.
That's part of being human, I guess, and that's why God gives us so much forgiveness--so we can pass it along to each other. It's a hard lesson to learn, but somehow, sometime, it will be learned. *sigh* When will life ever be the way I want it to be?
infinite || abyss
posted at 11:27 p.m.
