Wednesday, Aug. 31, 2005
... This clock never seemed so alive
This has got to be quick--I still have to finish packing, and I need to be up by about 3:15 a.m. in order to be ready to leave for the airport by 4-ish.
I can't describe the feelings that ran through me when I walked out the door of Quiznos for the last time today. To know that my second home for the past two years is no longer that second home... that's a weird thing. There were tears running down my face, and a lump the size of an orange in my stomach, and to some degree, that's all still there.
Part of it was saying goodbye to people. I don't have the most ordinary relationship with my employers, and that has never been more evident than it was today, when I had to say goodbye to Becky and Blair.
It was like three work days in one. The first one began when I got to work this morning and opened the store. That lasted until 2:30, when we closed the store and began to seriously deep-clean. That lasted until 5:30, when I ran out of things to do and just started to get in the way, so I sat in the back room and flicked rubber bands at Maria and Auntie Susan. Not on purpose. The third began with the elastic bands, and lasted until I actually left the store at 7.
It was... well, it was it. It was everything I expected and nothing like I thought it would be. I can't believe that I'm not going to march through the door tomorrow morning, back to claim my spot that I've always had. I can't believe that my days of eating Quiznos 5 days a week are over. I can't believe that I won't see them every day, and that this part of my life is over.
I just stood there and looked around the store and cried, saying goodbye to the store as much to the people. To the building, and the many, many hours that I've spent in those very few square feet.
It's a place where I spent two years of my life, and despite the sometime frustrations of the job (and more the frustrations of working that kind of job), they've been fantastic years. Again, because of the people.
And the consolation that I take away from this is that I have such an amazing relationship with B & B that this isn't, in either case, the end of a relationship. It's not just like I've had a boss that I liked, but wasn't really involved in my life. This has, I really and truly believe, been just the prologue to many years of lifelong friendship. This has been, perhaps, a unique way to begin these friendships, but it's in no way the end. Not even close. That's the only thought that got me through today. No, not the only thought. The only truth.
I'm exhausted, and I still have more to go tomorrow. These have definitely been my most draining goodbye days. To be expected, though, right? The people who are most important to me are the ones I see most often, so they're the ones I'll see last. People I only see every now and then... I saw most of them for the last time sometime within the past week, and it's not nearly as draining to take care of those.
Next time I write, chances are, it'll be from the Big Apple. Bizarre.
One year ago today: I'm tired. Tired of reliving the same thing over and over again, and my only comfort is that maybe this time, the situation won't turn into a soap opera. Yes, it's complicated, but so far, despite my worst blunders, it hasn't turned into something out of control. Maybe we're growing up after all. But if that's the case, it's still not all it's cracked up to be.
infinite || abyss
posted at 10:55 p.m.
