Tues, Aug. 31
... The one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm so sick of moving. I moved two truckloads of stuff today, and hopefully I can get the rest of it out tomorrow, but that means packing these last boxes that I'm just not getting to, and then loading them all into the truck. We'll see if I can get it done tomorrow morning before I leave for work. If that fails, I guess I come home after work, load the truck, and then drive back into town. I'm never moving again. Heh. Yeah right. But I will be glad when everything's unpacked and put away.
Anyways. I'm sure no one wants to hear about all my moving whines.
Sometimes, it's difficult being the one to make the choice to take the high road. It's hard to make the decision that will earn respect at the end of the day, even though I know that the end result is far superior. It's hard, knowing that I'm taking this route without the payback that I want. I don't know what the payback will be, besides the satisfaction of just being the kind of person that does the right thing. Which should be enough, but some days, it doesn't feel like it.
I'm tired. Tired of reliving the same thing over and over again, and my only comfort is that maybe this time, the situation won't turn into a soap opera. Yes, it's complicated, but so far, despite my worst blunders, it hasn't turned into something out of control. Maybe we're growing up after all. But if that's the case, it's still not all it's cracked up to be.
It's good. Really good. And really frustrating. Because the good isn't what I think I want. It's good, in and of itself, but it's not complete. I can almost taste what's jut beyond my grasp, and I can't do anything about it.
I'm glad there has been much prayer on account of this. Not just by me, but by everyone involved. Maybe we'll make the right decisions here, but it won't be by any of our own virtues. However this works out, all the good will have to be divine intervention, because otherwise, all we'll have is a mess. No one involved is virtuous enough to make this work on our own.
But still. I want something--just this once--to come more easily than usual.
I need sleep. I'm still kind of catching up from the trip, and this whole moving-after-working-9-hours deal isn't my idea of the best time. But, that's the way it's gotta go, so that's the way it going to happen.
infinite || abyss
posted at 11:19 p.m.
