Mon, Apr. 15
... How much can I love you?
Bah humbug for my psych exam today! Grr... I don't like that. Bleah. Anyone else ready to watch me completely bomb this exam? At least I'm getting it out of the way first and I don't have to feel guilty about not studying for it for the rest of the week! ;o) My other two exams (on Thursday) are the easier ones... or, at least the ones that I actually have some idea what I'm writing about, because I actually went to the classes.
I read a really interesting article the other day... talking about the church's relationship to Christ and the way we (particularly women in the church) have romanticized our relationships with him. I don't agree with all of it, but it brings up some interesting points.
Anyways, in one part of the article, the author talks about loving another person "too much," or loving someone else more than we love God. I know that's something I worry about sometimes--how I need to be completely content with God before I can even begin to consider looking for a guy to be in my life.
And to an extent, that's true. I do want God to have a priority in my life; I want him to be number one. But I think that if I wait for the longing for a husband to be completely gone, that day will never come. I don't believe that God would have given me such an intense desire for relationship if he didn't intend to fulfill that. I don't think that the point is to wait until the longing goes away and I don't feel it, but that it's to give the longing back to God, and trust God even when it's so lonely that I don't think I can stand it.
Of course, that's easier said than done, as it is for all people, I think, but I don't think it's a question of denying the heart cry that God's given me.
And when it comes down to loving my husband more than I love God... there's a quote from C.S. Lewis in this article:
Her comment reminded me of a letter Lewis once received from the mother of a nine-year-old who was troubled because he felt he loved Aslan, Lewis�s fictional lion in The Chronicles of Narnia, more than Jesus. "Laurence can�t really love Aslan more than Jesus, even if he feels that�s what he is doing," Lewis responded. "For the things he loves Aslan for doing or saying are simply the things Jesus really did and said. So that when Laurence thinks he is loving Aslan, he is really loving Jesus: and perhaps loving Him more than he ever did before." As with Aslan, so with our spouses.
When I love another person--truly love them, not just "love" in the societal sense--I'm loving God. To love another person truly is to love God, because by loving his creation, we honor him. Make sense? And by "love," I mean the self-sacrifical, giving, looking-out-for-you kind of love that Jesus talked about. Not the "I want your body because you're so sexy" or, "I like being around you because you make me feel good and you make me tingle when I see you" kind of love that the movies talk about. Those are both parts of love... or rather, I think they're side effects of true love. They're bonuses. Part of a healthy relationship, yes, but not the main part.
Anyways, this started out as me talking about the article and how it's impossible for me to love my husband more than I love God, at least, not if I'm loving my husband with a real love. It kind of got sidetracked, but that's okay... it's all in the same area anyways!
So, my exam is in about 45 minutes now, so I really need to go shower and get dressed for it. Except that I just heard the shower turn on... Kat's taking her shower. So maybe I won't have time to shower before my exam. Crap! That means I'll have to finish early enough to come home, take a shower, and get changed before I have to go to work... I was planning to go straight from the exam to work, but I don't think that'll happen now. Oh well... good luck to anyone else writing exams today!
infinite || abyss
posted at 11:45 a.m.
