Sun, Apr. 14
... Blue tears
Happy Birthday, Brittany. Yes, another April birthday; this time, my now-nine-year-old cousin. Good grief, that girl's getting old. Makes me feel old! I can't believe she's nine already.
Ever want something to be mad about, just for the sake of being upset? Not because there's anything
really worth being angry over; just because you need an excuse, and the closest, easiest target becomes what you become angry at? Yah.
I hate that it eats at me and makes me not so much fun to be around. I don't want to care anymore. I want to not care about anything. I want to be able to shake it off and not let anything affect me.
Sometimes, I get so disillusioned. My aunt and uncle were married while Tammy was pregnant with Britt, and seven years and three kids later, she walked out, saying that it was "never what she wanted in the first place."
I get so angry at her sometimes. I wonder how she could love her own kids so little that she would leave a three-year-old, an autistic five-year-old, and a seven-year-old. How she could just walk away from them and not even want custody. It makes me sick... makes me wonder if I'll ever find that romance that will be there for good and for bad, through the good days and the days when I really don't want to be there.
Especially on a day when I'm already feeling somewhat hopeless. I just wish that I could do something to make it all better. It's supposed to be forever. "Til death do us part." Not, till I want to leave and do something different. When did it become less than forever? When did it become something disposable and convenient? Love isn't supposed to be convenient. It's supposed to be a choice, a conscious choice that sticks, no matter what else happens.
I posted this poem a few months ago, and then I took it off, and I really wonder what would have happened if I hadn't. It's going up again, though, and this time, it's staying up. It's my poem; don't worry. I'm not stealing or plaguarizing someone else's work or anything. It's just... it's just what I wonder.
Blue tears falling
And white pony dreams
Living in a fairy tale
That never comes true
Prince Charming lookalikes
Always become frogs
Another dream is shattered
And the pony runs away
The glass slipper left behind
The clock struck twelve
The magic mirror broke again
And blue tears start to fall
Happily ever after
And once upon a time
When the story starts again
Will the pony run away?
Blue tears falling
And white pony dreams
Someday the fairy tale
Will have to come true
infinite || abyss
posted at 11:27 p.m.
