Fri, Apr. 29
... Right in front of my face
I can't believe that the end of April is here already. Moving weekend to the max, and you know, there are aspects of that fact that really suck. All part of growing up, I guess. Right? Someone please tell me that it's all okay.
Last night, Blair and I moved out a load of stuff to the farm--that's all that's going into storage this time... and here I thought that bedroom would be cleared out as soon as Logan comes back for his stuff. Anyways. It went quickly and smoothly, which is good, but now, there's still so much cleaning, mostly, to do. A bit of packing still, but then a LOT of cleaning the whole house. Although I'm not sure why that's so important--it's not like anyone's moving in right away, and chances are, they'll do some sort of renovations before renting out the house again.
I digress. Both yesterday and today, for some reason, were huge "kid" days. Days to wish and long and dream and discuss my (future) family. It just kept coming up again and again. At work, in the car, with Kat... I just can't escape.
I long for family. I have this really intense need to go visit my extended family in Chicago--not just because I haven't seen them for 8 years, but that's a big part of it, but also just because I need to know them again. I have cousins, aunts, and uncles that I just don't know. I don't know everything about them; I don't know where they're at. It's tough to be so far away, especially when I'm just starting to appreciate my family so much more.
I long for that family, and I long for my family. I am so eager--more now than ever--to know the children that I'll have someday; to know my husband; to have relationships with my in-laws. It gnaws at me, and something inside feels hollow, like there's a piece of me missing, every time I think about it.
And, in the midst of all this work and reflection, I have to do a shopping spree of sorts. There are many cards and presents to be bought (and here I thought that moving was a time to declutter), and on top of it all, I have to buy a vacuum tonight. My old one bit the dust, we need one to move, first of all, but also just in general. With two cats in the house, it's not something we can do without for very long.
Today was such a Friday at work. Everyone was just in a Friday kind of mood, and for some reason, the day went really slowly. It was fun, but I looked at the clock at 4:30, and it felt like it should have been 6:00 by then.
Anyways... I'm off vacuum hunting, and then falling headfirst into this crazy mess of a weekend.
infinite || abyss
posted at 7:13 p.m.
