Thurs, Mar. 31
... Breathe whenever I think about you
What's up with this whole "getting up early and being productive before I leave for work" deal? Maybe I'm conditioning myself to go back to the gym next week before work. It was supposed to be this week, but then I got sick, and really, the goal isn't to kill myself.
Regardless, I'm fully awake, up, and doing something (even though I'm not dressed yet), and am still in no rush leaving the house.
It's days like these that I keep hush-hush. I would hate to damage my "I'm not a morning person" reputation. I've worked far too long to build and maintain it. It would seem too much like growing up, and it would allow a fw too many people (*cough* my mom *cough*) to get a few too many "I told you so"s in there. So shhh. Don't tell.
It's been a blessedly quiet two weeks at work, and there's a part of me that hates to say it, because the quiet comes at the expense of someone I love dearly, but at the same time... it's just been nice. Maybe it's a wake-up call. Maybe an indication of true feelings? Or maybe it was just a reprieve before things get crazy again as soon as things get back to normal. I've been counting my blessings, though. Well, that, and praying hard about which car(s) I'll see in the parking lot when I drive into work.
It's just relaxing. And I realize that can sound like an oxymoron when I'm talking about work, but it just makes things, no matter how busy we are, so much more laid back. It's nice to not be worried about whether anyone is mad at anyone else, whether we're up or down, whether things are supposed to be good or bad... in other words, it's nice to be adults.
Anyways, it can't last forever, but maybe it's a good indication of my feelings. What I'm supposed to do about it right now, I'm not completely certain, but it's something.
I still don't think I'm supposed to move on yet, but I know that the day is coming. I'm not at Quiznos forever, and one of these days, it'll be time to move on.
And, like so many other things in life, I have to trust that I'll know when it's time.
One year ago today: My life is so cyclical. A year ago, I was writing about the feelings of withdrawal that come when a huge show ends. In that case, Joe. This week, I'm realizing that I have one more day before the void that comes at the end of a big show. In this case, a combination of showcase and Hobbit. Really, it's all just the same thing over and over again, and my more cynical moments tell me that every show is "the best" with "the best memories," so really, no show is all that much more spectacular than the others.
infinite || abyss
posted at 8:07 a.m.
