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Alida: A 23-year-old Canadian exploring the infinite abyss that is New York City.

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I read... ---------- Jade Janna Jen and Mike John Kim Kristy Lara Laurel Lindsey Mia Morgan Robin Lee Shannon Trevor Vron

recent posts

Uncle Richard, me, and James Earl Jones - Tuesday, Apr. 04, 2006
So beautiful when the boy smiles - Sunday, Apr. 02, 2006
One way or another - Sunday, Dec. 25, 2005
Way up high - Saturday, Dec. 10, 2005
Reason to start over new - Friday, Dec. 09, 2005

archives

2005: January February March April May June July August September
2004: January February March April May June July August September October November December
2003: January February March April May June July August September October November December
2002: January February March April May June July August September October November December
2001: May June July August September October November December

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Diaryland
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I'm not stupid. I know what's happening; I know what's going on and how I fit into things, and I'm still in it. I'm not going to give up. I refuse to give up now, and not because of stubbornness. I'm not obsessed, not caught in some trap, not stubborn because of something for my own good. It's a commitment I made, and I'm not going to back out of it. I'm still going to be here, no matter what, until God tells me that it's time to let go. And that time hasn't come yet. I don't know if it ever will, but it's not for me to question. If God wants me to do that, that time will come, but it's not here yet. What right now needs is the loyalty and the commitment to stick with the love that's there. It's not just about the feelings, it's about the whole picture. It's hard to see. I know things with my head but not with my heart all the time.

I'm so stinkin impatient... I want to know now how things are working out, but that's not what God's giving me right now, and I have to learn to be patient with that. It's a hard lesson to learn, but I hope I'm getting it. I really do... I want to be more like my Father, and the only way to do that is to go through things that will purge me of myself and clean out all the stuff that isn't His character. Go through the fire, and I'll be more like Him. That's the thing I want in life.
infinite || abyss