Wed, Mar. 27
... An eternity of smiles
And so, I'm more confused than ever. I'm not going to go into all the details, but I really have no idea how my life is panning out. I have no clue what I'm doing 6 months from now, or anything... And this from the girl who, a year and a half ago, had the rest of her life planned out. Funny how things change, hey?
We had this great discussion in acting class today, but it just served to give me even more to think about than I already had--as if I need that! I just want to know where I'm going. I want to know where I'll be in three months. I want to know what I'll be doing in a year. But I don't.
I'm tired, and cold, and frustrated, and I just feel like complaining, just a little bit, about all of it. Not a lot, just a bit.
Trouble is, I don't know what else to talk about right now. My mind is just... blah. Dead tired, with nothing left in it. I have to do some soul-searching, but it seems like I have to search about all of it at once, and it's just too much. I can't do it. I don't know how. I can barely handle one thing at a time, let alone at least three huge things at once--decision-wise, and that's not even counting anything else that occupies my thoughts. That's just the decisions I have to make.
*sigh*
I was just about to apologize for making this such a whiny, boring entry about things I've already written about a thousand thousand times, but then I realized that this is my diary, and I can write whatever I damn well want to.
But I laughed today. I laughed harder than I have in a long time when Kat and I went to Denny's, and we were talking about silly boys who obsess over strange things. I laughed when I read the email that Michelle sent me: "The Beverley Hills Bobbits." I laughed when I saw a friend from high school in the mall. I laughed when my boss was talking to some customer's kid, and when the kid left, she yelled out, "Bye Uncle Daddy!"
I laughed, and I smiled, and I vented, and I had a good time. And that makes everything else disappear, for minute seconds, but those seconds add up and can seem like an eternity.
infinite || abyss
posted at 11:53 p.m.
