Mon, Oct. 25
... Somewhere between where you are and where you're going
Tonight, we had a meeting for the restructuring of the Christmas show. Yeah, this is "Plan B." We're scrapping the play for this year, saving all the groundwork that's already been done for next year, and going with something different. With five weeks left.
It's a good kind of different, though. There have been so many independent confirmations over the past week or so, and it's to the point where I almost can't feel disappointed about it, because it's just so right. The timing just needs to be there, and right now, it's not.
Anyways. The meeting night was to brainstorm ideas for the show. I've got a lot of them--I see this whole show in my head, the way I think it should happen--but I'm not the only one involved. I'm not the head of this show, so I have to check my ego at the door and wait until tomorrow morning to find out what the final decision was.
There were variations on about three different ideas floating around and being debated tonight, and while there were some interesting ideas, I just couldn't latch onto them. I couldn't get 100% on board, and it was just because I thought my ideas were better.
Heh. How egotistical can I get? But I guess the best way to put it is that I thought the other ideas were good, but they didn't fit the vision of the Christmas show.
I'm on board, for whatever they decide to do. I will support it completely, and I'll do everything I can to make my part amazing.
I feel so bad, though, because I feel like I'm being so stubborn and unyielding. And at this stage in the game, maybe I am--maybe I just want my ideas to be heard. I want to make sure that they're considered.
But Mike and I were talking afterwards, and he told me to never back down from being an advocate for the arts. To push them, because that's what I love. To make sure that they're considered, in amongst all the people who are advocates of music, or keynote speakers, or any other form of an evening out. I need to be reminded--don't we all?--that my passions are good. That those are the loves God has given me, and it's okay to push them and love them that much.
I love the fact that there are so many people that affect my life in so many ways, some big, some small. There are people that have made a lasting impact on me, and they have just come through my life in a brief instant. There are others who have been lifechangers, and they've been there all along. They've been the constant forces in my life.
In Creativity Tutorial during my third year, we did an exercise where we had to name three people who have been heroes--who have made all the difference in our artistic lives. I've never forgotten that class, and I've never forgotten the exercise. Over the years, I've added a few people to the list of heroes, and I've realized that there are people out there who are still making that difference for me, whether it's through one significant conversation, or through the ongoing help.
Anyways. All that to say that I'm unbelievably stubborn and one-track-minded, but it's okay.
infinite || abyss
posted at 11:25 p.m.
