Tues, Oct. 26
... Love in any language
I have to constantly remind myself that my ministry isn't really mine. The whole format of the Christmas show is changing, and my enthusiasm has been on such a roller coaster in the past few days.
I've been getting tons of ideas, and I've been so excited to just run with them, and then my ego has to be brought back down to earth with the realities of what fits the vision for the church, the rest of the team, and how Mike sees it all fitting together.
Because I am part of a team here, and that means that part of my responsibility is to come on board with what the team as a whole does. That doesn't mean that I can't have my ideas, or that I have to think that all the ideas that actually happen are the greatest things ever. What it does mean is that I have the responsibility to present a united front, and to give it 100%. When it's my company, I'll be responsible for seeing the vision that God has given me come true, but for as long as I choose to be a part of Foothills' ministry, I choose to submit to Mike's leadership in this area.
I can--and I have to--continue challenging the ideas and presenting my ideas, because that's how ministry grows, and that's part of my role, but then ultimately, I have to accept and be enthusiastic about whatever decision is made.
To be perfectly honest, right now, I'm not 100% enthusiastic about what the Christmas show is looking like, but I am 100% on board with it. And by Thursday, when I meet with my cast, I will be totally ready, and I'll present nothing less than a completely united front with the decisions that have been made. What right do I have to undermine Mike's authority and the position that God has given to him? None. That's totally not my place. And especially not in public. Anything that I need to deal with, I don't do in front of the rest of the team. God gave him that leadership, and it's my responsibility to submit to that and to encourage others within the ministry group to do the same.
Funny how submission is such a recurring theme in life--especially life within the church. Or more accurately, life as a growing Christian. Submission to God manifests itself as submission to others--pastors, leaders, parents, spouses... it's not about being a doormat; it's about realizing that godly submission is an act of worship, and that it's really not such an ugly thing after all, even though that's how society sees it.
Submitting to God is such an abstract concept, though, that it has to be demonstrated tangibly through relationships with others. How else? Love God, love others. You can't do one without the other, and it all fits together.
It's hard, but there's no choice. This is the way it has to go, and these are the choices I've made and the sacrifices that need to be made.
I'm getting there. One day, one step at a time. Sometimes I despair of ever being the woman God wants me to be, but sometimes, I get little glimpses of the growth in my character, and I see something, and it's almost enough. Never quite enough to be satisfactory, but then again, isn't that what growth is all about? Never being satisfied with being at the same place?
One year ago today: The play was amazing, and Lucia (the playwright and lead actress--she invited us to see the play) invited us out for drinks afterwards with her, her fiance, the lead actor, and a few other actor friends of theirs. Janna and I were slightly starstruck, but it was really great. It was... normal. They were just normal people, doing their jobs, and we were just part of it. They treated us like equals, people who are part of the industry, too, and I totally felt comfortable to just sit and chat with them about the play, my shows, NaNo, and all kinds of stuff.
infinite || abyss
posted at 10:45 p.m.
