Tues, Jan 15
... All grown up, or so they think
Kat wants me to write more often. For some reason, she likes reading this, even though we live together and see each other all the time. Maybe she's hoping I'll spill some nasty dirt in here that she can use for blackmail... ;o)
It's interesting how our C&C group at church seems to be divided into two groups. Not really "cliques," per se, because it's not really an exclusive thing; moreso just the friendship groups that happen to form. There are those of us who grew up and graduated from high school at Foothills, and those who "came in" later on. And the weird thing about that is that even though we're not really all that different in age, it feels sometimes like the people in the "other" group are older.
Maybe because I know that other people in the church still have a hard time seeing me as older than just a kid... some of them have known me since I was a toddler, and have watched me and my friends grow up. They saw us when we were the junior high brats who ran around the church wreaking havoc, and now it's hard for them to see us grow up. Just like it's hard for me to accept that some of the kids I taught in preschool and early elementary Sunday School are now the junior high helper in some of the classes that I taught them in.
It's a mixed blessing, being in the same place I've grown up in. In some ways, they know me. I know them, I know who to talk to and where to go to get things done; I have certain "privileges" in the church. Not necessarily anything inappropriate, but things that I may have been chosen for, because I was known so well, as opposed to someone else who wasn't.
At the same time, though, it's hard to grow up, because they do remember me as a kid. My mistakes, as well as my triumphs, are remembered, and I'm sometimes judged based on those, or on my parents' reputation rather than on what I deserved to be seen as, good or bad. I know that I'll always be judged partly based on what I've done, but sometimes I think it would be easier to go somewhere and have a fresh start. Get to know people as the "adult" (or getting there) me, rather than the "little Alida who ran around in diapers who doesn't wear diapers anymore."
Maybe someday.
infinite || abyss
posted at 10:56 p.m.
