Wed, May 7
... So not average
I'm in such an antisocial mood. No--antisocial isn't exactly the right word. It's more like evading, avoiding, and in every other way running away from responsibilities. Not because I don't want to do them; just because I don't want to get up off the couch and do anything. It's becoming a chore to motivate myself to get out of the house. Partly the weather, partly... I don't know what else it is.
It feels like it did last year. Not totally, but I'm having the same trouble forcing myself to get going. This time, it's not that I don't want to do anything; it's just that I want to do it on my terms and my timing right now.
I've got tickets to ATP, and then a rehearsal/production meeting for Singles tonight, and I don't really want to do either. I know I should do both--I paid for the ticket, and I committed to do the show--but I just don't want to leave the house right now. Blah.
And, you know, I wouldn't even mind leaving in time for the meeting, but I just don't want to get going for the show. Which is the one I should be more excited for.
Besides, I don't have gas in my car, and I don't have any money to get some before I go anywhere. Could be a problem.
I know. I'm an adult. It's my money; it's my responsibilities. I can make the choice and then deal with the consequences. I could just not go to the play, and no one would care--I'd just be out $20... I'm trying to rationalize myself here. This is so... I don't know what.
One year ago today: Did you ever stop to think about the fact that life goes on? When someone fades from your life, just as your life goes on and you create new memories without them, so does theirs. They have new memories, new growth, new hard times, new interests, new friends, all without you there. It just keeps going. Sure, it may be hard for a while, but life just keeps going, and eventually, there's hardly a trace of you left in the present, just like there's very little trace left of them in your day to day wanderings. Only living on in memories... that's the way you are to them, just like that's the way they are to you.
infinite || abyss
posted at 6:07 p.m.
