Thurs, May 15
... It didn't even seem like it was real
I hate feeling helpless. I hate being dependent and needing someone else to look out for me and make sure things are going to be okay. I'm a grown woman; I should be able to take care of myself. I just want to be able to do it on my own--I don't want to feel like I'm still a little kid needing assistance with everything. It's really irritating.
I love what I do; I love the volunteer work that I do, and I know that my education is so important, but it's frustrating that it leaves little to no time, space, or opportunity to earn money. I feel like I'm letting myself and everyone else down.
Blah. It's just one of those days. I'm feeling sorry for myself, and I'm irritated with the way life is going. I... don't know.
I want to be content with what God's given me... I want to be able to live in the now, not worry about tomorrow, not need more than I've been given, not want to be someone else, be able to rejoice and realize how blessed I am in whatever situation I'm in.
There are days, though, when that seems impossible. There are days when I want so much more than I have, and it's so easy to get caught up in the poor-poor-pitiful-me mindset.
Bah.
One year ago today:
Sometimes I think that metaphors to describe things that need to take place in life are highly overrated. Take the concept of "letting go," for instance. In the concrete world, it's quite simple. When I let go of something, either it falls or I fall. It's immediate... You don't go through a huge process--there's a specific moment in time when my hand ceases to be in contact with whatever it is that I'm letting go of. Emotionally, though, it's not that simple. I mean, really. How do you let go of something? Yes, the concept is, in theory, all fine and dandy, but when it actually comes to doing it, it's a little different.
infinite || abyss
posted at 12:06 p.m.
