Sat, May 17
... Take me somewhere new
Wow. I'm really slacking on entries this month. And even fewer have been much worth reading.
I'm watching Memento--again--with Janel. I don't know how many times I've seen it... it's a good movie. I like it.
I love dreaming. I have so many ideas that I want to make happen and things that I want to do with my life, and I love fantasizing about what it could be like. Not unrealistic fantasies. No more than anyone's dreams, anyways. But the dreams that could actually happen. The ones that could become real.
I need to get out of town for a few days. It's becoming an obsession, almost. Something so deep that I need to get somewhere and get all of this stuff out. I know I can discover, learn, explore myself here, but there's something about leaving for a few days that makes it so much more... I don't know what. More real. More focused. More something. Easier.
Last time I left for myself, it was completely spur of the moment. I just left. I just started driving and ended up in Vancouver the next day. It was great. There was something about the spontaneity that made it so much more exhilarating and fresh. It was more than just a road trip. It was an adventure.
This time, I'm planning more. I'm laying down some tentative ideas of what I want to do, where I want to go, how I want to get there. Nothing specific, and of course it's all open to the spur of the moment, but I just need to get out of here, and planning it makes it feel more real.
I can taste it. I need to get out of here. I need to explore--go to a city I've never been to before. I need to just have the time with the road and my music and God. I need the evenings, the days to journal, dream, plan, explore. There's so much about myself that I don't know. A lot of that knowledge comes with experience and time and self-discovery in relationship, but some of it needs to come in those few days of intense soul-searching.
I just want to go. Leave. Spend those days on the road in my own space. I can't leave here forever, but the road, those few days, are addictive.
It's time.
infinite || abyss
posted at 1:47 p.m.
