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Alida: A 23-year-old Canadian exploring the infinite abyss that is New York City.

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I read... ---------- Jade Janna Jen and Mike John Kim Kristy Lara Laurel Lindsey Mia Morgan Robin Lee Shannon Trevor Vron

recent posts

Uncle Richard, me, and James Earl Jones - Tuesday, Apr. 04, 2006
So beautiful when the boy smiles - Sunday, Apr. 02, 2006
One way or another - Sunday, Dec. 25, 2005
Way up high - Saturday, Dec. 10, 2005
Reason to start over new - Friday, Dec. 09, 2005

archives

2005: January February March April May June July August September
2004: January February March April May June July August September October November December
2003: January February March April May June July August September October November December
2002: January February March April May June July August September October November December
2001: May June July August September October November December

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Diaryland
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Did you know that I can "seethe"? I make a very good devil. And it's fun times, yes it is. That means that I get to push Dave around... and we all know I couldn't do anything to hurt him in real life. But when I'm the devil, I get to push him around and make him fall over. :o) Okay, I'm a little too sadistic to be healthy. Maybe I'm just "venting."

There are days when everything seems so removed and life seems just too surreal to be real. It seems like everything's removed from reality; like I'm watching it all through a lens. A foggy one at that. At any rate, I start my shift in about 20 minutes, and I'm absolutely starving.

Am I avoiding getting real in here? Do I touch on a subject, and then immediately run away to something else, because I can't handle being raw and real with my own emotions? Or is it just because I'm so drained out that I have nothing else to say, and nowhere else to go with it? Is it just because there's nothing left; no words left.

I sound hopeless. I'm not. I'm in a very good place right now. I have hope, I'm doing well, and life is going in a better direction than it has for months. I just wonder if there's supposed to be something more than this. I always feel like I've seen something bigger and experienced something else beyond what this is now, and I feel like I'm in a place where life is good, but it's been better, and I'm wondering where the "better" has gone. Why it's not here anymore.

And now, I'm not avoiding; I'm running out of time before work, so I really have to stop these musings for the moment, and continue them in my head, not on this scree
infinite || abyss