Tuesday, Jul. 19, 2005
... What is this I'm going through
Another thought.
You've all heard, I presume, the saying that "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."
As my dreams have progressed over the past three or four years, and have changed from dreams of doing to dreams of teaching and facilitating, I've wondered if I'm not subconsciously accomodating for the fact that I'm not the world's greatest actor. I'm good, and I have training, and I know how to work at it, but I don't necessarily have that innate je ne sais quoi that makes it automatically magic.
I'm not trying to downplay my gifts, because I know that God has given me talents that I have responsibilities to use, but I also know that I have to work to get where I want to go. I'm not one of those people who has it all laid out and has all the talent just waiting to be cultivated, just like that.
Anyways, I'm beginning to wonder if maybe a better description of my life isn't, "Those who can, do. Those who can't, facilitate." My dream, more and more, is to provide a place to nurture talent. Whether that's talent in acting, directing, tech, teaching, choreography, administration... whatever. I want to provide a place to nuture those gifts and to use them to their fullest potential.
That doesn't mean that I want to stop using my own gifts. I still want to direct. I still want to act. I love being in shows, and one of the strangest things about this next year will be the fact that I'm not actually in any shows at all. I love it; it's in my blood, and I can't, nor do I want to, escape that.
At the same time, though, my dreams are becoming more and more focused on the other people who are in it. This company is becoming less and less about me, and more and more about the vision. Serving God by serving the vision that I see more and more clearly every day.
Am I neglecting something and walking away from a part of a vision that was handed to me by God? I don't think so. It's being refined and changed to fit the woman I'm becoming. If I'd had this exact vision 5 years ago, I don't think I would have known what to do with it. I would have had no clue what it could have/should have looked like. It's only because it has grown with me that I have any idea where to go with it.
infinite || abyss
posted at 12:43 p.m.
