Thurs, May 10
... Since I haven't really talked much about Jade on here...
Have you ever gotten the sense that things just aren't real? I feel so distanced and separated from Rocky and everyone there... it can't have only been 2 1/2 weeks since I moved!! That's so incredibly impossible. I miss Jade, Lynsae, Trevor, Corrine, Shannon, Chris, Becca... I miss it all like crazy, but I feel like I never actually lived there; never actually did what I did, loved who I loved... Like it was all some elaborate dream.
I look at pictures of Jade and I, and it seems soooo long ago that we were flirting, hanging out, talking about whether or not we're going to get together at some point. The picture on my desk from grad--was that only 3 weeks ago? It can't have been! He feels so far away. Maybe it's because I never hear from him; maybe it's because I don't talk to him. But it feels like the whole deal with "us" was so long ago that it doesn't even matter anymore. And I know it does, because in September, he won't be there, he'll be here, and whatever has happened over the summer will affect how things play out in the fall. But for right now, it all feels like a dream, or something that happened in high school; something I don't have to think about anymore, unless I want to.
This is so different from when Brian and I had the whole long distance thing going. Partly because this technically isn't a "relationship." We both know we want it to be, and we both know that something could happen in September, but, by mutual agreement, nothing official is happening over the summer. So there's not the same pressure to write or keep in touch. But that kind of puts a damper on the whole idea of getting closer as friends over the summer... *sigh* such is life.
Anyways, Kathy's here to pick me up for the concert, so I must run. But as a side note, my hair looks hot!! I never like it when it's growing out, but for some reason, this looks good!! :o)
infinite || abyss
posted at 6:58 p.m.
