Wed, May 16
... Saying goodbye before it's time
Wow... I haven't updated since Sunday. I've started to a few times, but I just can't seem to get anything down. I have something to say today, though, so for all of you who have been checking every day, waiting for something new (yah right!), here it is; wait no more!
I'm pulling away, and I can feel it. But I don't want to! I'm not trying to... it's some subconscious thing that's becoming reality. Instead of making the last 6 weeks the best, most fun, I'm spending less time with her, doing less with her, and talking less with her. What am I thinking?! This isn't the way it's supposed to be. We're supposed to hang out every day, do everything together, sleep over every weekend, but instead, we hardly ever hang out, just the two of us, any more. We haven't had a sleepover in at least a month, and I haven't gone to visit her at work for a while.
Am I doing this to lessen the pain in July? Trying to find my niche without her now, while I can do it a little bit at a time, so that it's not such a shock later? I don't know; maybe, but that's, once again, not what I want to do. I want to build "us" stronger now so that when she goes, our friendship will stay strong. I know it is, I know that we have a bond that won't break; that no matter how long we're apart, we can get back together and it'll be "just like old times," but I don't want to take that for granted. I don't want to take her for granted.
I miss her already. I miss sharing all my secrets, hanging out every day, using my toothbrush that lives at her house, knowing what she's thinking and what's wrong, driving around being giddy and silly to crazy music... Can I still reclaim this last month and a half?
infinite || abyss
posted at 12:22 p.m.
