Sat, May 19
... the golden key out of here
I find myself with less and less to write these days. Maybe it's just that I find myself with more and more that I can't post in a public place, especially one where people from the "real world" might read it. I understand the attraction to d*land and the people you meet on here... you know them, but you don't *know* them, and you don't have to deal with them day to day after they read the most embarassing details of your life. Unfortunately, I know that there are people from the real world who read this, so I can't say a lot that I wish I could say. Oh well... that's what my paper journal is for, I guess. It's still there, it still wants to be loved and written in, and it won't be read, as long as I'm careful where I leave it lying around. :o)
But now that I'm finished talking about how I can't talk on here, what else am I supposed to say?
I know the way out of the grey world. I always have. I just want to ignore it. I know that I hold the one powerful key out of there--prayer and my God--but I keep refusing to place it in the doorknob and turn it. Sometimes I put it in and pretend to turn it, but I never quite do, and the door stays shut for a little longer. Like I've said before, I know exactly what I'm doing, and I can't complain at all--I can't rationalize, claim ignorance, or pretend that everything's perfect. I can convince most people of that, but not myself.
Someone pointed out the key again to me today, though. I know I have it, I know I hold it, and now more than ever, I know I need to use it, but I'm still reluctant to. "Running towards self-destruction as fast as we can with a smile on our faces. But as long as we're smiling, right?"
infinite || abyss
posted at 10:02 p.m.
