Fri, June 1
... Reminiscing on a year gone by
I went out for supper and a movie with Kathy last night, and we talked and talked and talked until we had nothing else to say, and then we talked some more. We laughed and cried, giggled, screamed, vented, and made precious memories that will last a lifetime.
How life changes in a year. One year and 5 days ago, it was my grad, and yesterday, I was sitting in the Jubilee again, watching not Kathy and Erin, but Laura and everyone else walk across the stage. It can't have only been a year, can it? If you had told me 370 days ago what I would go through and how my life would change in so many ways, I wouldn't have believed you. If you'd told me that Brian and I wouldn't be together, that we would have been engaged and then broken up, that, in some ways, this year's grad would be so much like last year's, that Kathy and I would be planning on getting a house together, that I would hardly talk to Cara or Breanna anymore, that I would miss Lyns so incredibly much, that I would go through so many spiritual ups and downs, that I would have learned so much about myself and about people in general, I don't know if I would have believed you. I thought that my life was in order, I knew what I was going to do, where I was going to be, who I was going to be, and how the next 5 years of my life were going to pan out. Things have flip-flopped upside down from where they were then, but I can't say that's been a bad thing.
Yeah, sometimes I miss what I was, but when I look back on who I was a year ago--the girl who walked across that stage--and who I am now, I wouldn't change a moment of it.
I may have lost friends, but the friendships I have now are stronger. They're the people who will hang out with me on grad night when we feel old and wish we were at the banquet; the ones who will go to the doctor with me, or ask me to go with them; the ones who can read my mind and who know what's wrong and what to say to make me realize that things will be alright in the end; the ones who will sit with me when I need to cry, who will let me use their shoulder, literally and figuratively; the ones who will listen to me vent about the same things, over and over and over again, until I finally have it sorted out in my own mind.
I haven't lost my identity; it's changed, that's all. I'm still me, but parts of the me that you used to know aren't around anymore, and there are parts that are now me that weren't before. It's not a bad change, it's a life change.
infinite || abyss
posted at 1:21 p.m.
