I'm listening to a Christmas cd right now. I was just in that sort of mood. It's always fun to do, especially in the middle of summer. Okay, getting towards the end of summer, but still a hot day. It's in weather like this that I'm glad I live in a basement. I'm sure it'll be cold in the winter, but right now, I'm thankful for it.
Ever have a time when things seem to fall back into old patterns and habits that you think--or maybe even hope--are dead, but somewhere, deep down inside, you know that they're really not. If ever given the opportunity, that's the default that life will fall into. And, that's what's happening yet again. It's always slightly different, of course, but in so many ways, it's always the same. Do I wish it wasn't? Of course. There are always things that I want to change. There are always things that I wish were different than they are. But do I wish things weren't going the way they are? Not yet. If they go too far into the old patterns, I know I will, but right now, it's not a huge issue. I just have to be careful that it doesn't become the big issue that it could. And, of course, the most effective way to do that is to not get back into the patterns, even into the beginning stages of them, now, but quite frankly, I don't really want to get out of this part of them. I don't want things to go a whole lot further than this into the pattern, but this, I don't want to give up. So that sort of puts me into a quandary, doesn't it? I guess the solution is just to have incredible willpower and self-control when it gets to that point. And even at this point, I have to be careful. Always careful.
I know I don't make much sense sometimes. That's okay, though. You don't need to know exactly what I'm talking about. No one really needs to know; I just needed to get it down to see if made more sense to me. Not much more, but I can pretend that it did. ;o)
infinite || abyss