Thurs, Feb 14
... When I was a young'un
I felt like Laurel and Kat's mommy tonight, getting my little girls ready for their first date! Okay, not quite, but close. It was fun... I did Kat's hair, watched them both get ready, sewed up a little hole in Laurel's dress, saw them both out the door... You know, all the mommy-like things to do. And then, I finished writing my paper, made some rice for supper, and watched
An Affair to Remember. It was a relaxing evening. Nice, in a quiet sort of way. Not what I would have chosen, had I been able to do whatever I wanted to, but it wasn't horrible. It wasn't an awful night at all. A little lonely, but not too bad.
Yesterday was Christy's birthday. Happy 20th, Chris! Crazy. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday that we were in grade 11 English together, writing poetry and debating the existance of God.
The other night, Laura and I were trying to describe to Mike how much life changes after high school. Even in the two years since I graduated, everything's changed so much. You realize that there really is life after high school, even though while you were there, you thought it was the epitome of existance. And then it's over, and you realize that if that's the epitome of your existance, you've got a pretty sad life and nothing left to look forward to.
My perspective on so many things has changed in the past two years. The things I thought I knew? No clue. The person I thought I was? Still changing, still becoming me. I look at them now, and I see so many differences, even in the two or three years since I was their age. I was telling someone about my Youth Culture class, and they were saying, "Well, that would be kind of easy, because you're still sort of there, aren't you?" No, I'm not. It's so different, and such a different perspective, even being only a couple of years removed from it all. It's amazing how fast things change.
I had fun in high school, and it was a blast, but I'd never want to go back. Maybe just to visit. Sometimes I miss having so relatively few responsibilities, and the things that I worried about being so relatively minor. But I'd never want to stay there. It wasn't really life. It wasn't really my own life, living it the way I wanted to. Of course, I can't necessarily say that I'm doing that now, but at least now if I'm not, it's my own fault.
Interesting how growing up changes your perspective. And five years from now, I'll look back on myself now and say, "You were so naive; you hadn't really lived yet!" I think that's the way it should always be--learning, growing, gaining knowledge, becoming more mature, and building on what was there before. I never want to stay stuck where I was.
infinite || abyss
posted at 11:33 p.m.
