Fri, Dec 14
... What do you want?
I found an old msn conversation from about 2 years ago (when I was in grade 12) the other day; one that I'd printed off. It's one of my favorite conversations I've ever had... we were talking about dreams. About goals. Listing off things that we wanted to do before we died. It's funny, because I've changed so much in those 2 years, but some of those dreams are still the same; some aren't. Some have been fulfilled; some can't be anymore. It's kind of interesting, though. Sort of melancholy, and hope at the same time. So here's my list, as it was written 2 years ago.
*Get my play published
*Finish writing my poetry anthology with Christy and write another one
*Get married to the guy God's got for me
*Have a big house that I can open up to needy teens
*Go skydiving
*Read through the whole Bible once a year for the rest of my life
*Finish writing my "story"
*Direct a world famous youth drama troupe
*Travel in Europe
*Finally get a decent long-distance phone plan
*Go on a missions trip to Africa
*Go scuba diving
*Have people remeber me as a godly woman when I die
*Live to be 100
*Remember what forgiveness and unforgiveness feel like and never forget
*Be a youth pastor
*Live somewhere with lots of sun
*Get a piano of my own when I move away
*Visit Russia
*See the town in Sweden that my great-grandma Alida came from
*Remember to enjoy the simple things like sitting outside and watching the stars
*Go to Niagara falls
*Learn to be more patient and wait on God
*Publish my own book of writing--poems, thoughts, essays, whatever
*Stay in touch with Ms Hawk, even after I graduate
*Be a prayer warrior and intercessor
*Teach my drama classes without totally messing them up
*Move out and still manage to keep in touch with my close friends
*Meet Ro
*Meet Jen
*Go to New York City
*Go shopping on Rodeo Drive
*Learn to get along better with my family, especially my parents
*Work in a church that focuses on outreach and bringing people to Jesus
*Finish Physics 30 with a 90% and prove to everyone that I can
*Beat Matt and be valedictorian
*Go to Greece
*Smile more often
*Record even one song professionally
*Write a good song
*Get my grade 10 piano
*Take voice lessons
*Go white water rafting
*Go to Australia
*See castle ruins in Scotland
*Have kids
*Have the patience and the reliance on God to work through and fix broken relationships
*Get into better shape
*Find fabric for and then have my mom make an amazing grad dress
*Wear my grad dress to church the Sunday after, just for fun
*Act in "The Diary of Anne Frank"
*Write another full-length play
*Find a perfume that's really "me"
*Have a rocking chair on my front porch for when I'm really, really old and I can sit and watch my great grandkids play
*Never give up on life and keep going as long as I possibly can
*Never forget to play
*Go to the Grand Canyon
*Remember that it's not about me, no matter how much I wish it were
*Learn to serve like Jesus served
*Visit the Holy Land
*Swim in the Dead Sea
*Go spelunking
*When I have kids, look at life through their eyes
And that's what it was. Like I said, some of them can't happen now--like beating Matt and being valedictorian (I was 2% behind!!)--but so many are still there. And there are some that I've failed in the past 2 years, but that doesn't mean that I can't start them again. That doesn't mean that it's too late to start over and make them goals now.
It's crazy to see how much life has changed since then; how comparitively innocent and naive I was. It's cool, though. It's amazing to look back and see where I've grown more than I ever thought I would; the experiences I've been through that I never would have dreamed in a thousand years.
And I'm not going to go through and list which dreams have come true, which won't, and which are new and refreshed. That'll take away from the magic of it. They're my dreams; they're a little piece of me. A little bit more of me. The me without all the masks and facades; the me without something to prove; the me that can dream big about the big things and the little things. The me that, no matter how much I change, will always be in there somewhere, waiting for her chance to shine for a little while again.
infinite ||
abyss
posted at 1:15 a.m.
