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Alida: A 23-year-old Canadian exploring the infinite abyss that is New York City.

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recent posts

Uncle Richard, me, and James Earl Jones - Tuesday, Apr. 04, 2006
So beautiful when the boy smiles - Sunday, Apr. 02, 2006
One way or another - Sunday, Dec. 25, 2005
Way up high - Saturday, Dec. 10, 2005
Reason to start over new - Friday, Dec. 09, 2005

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2005: January February March April May June July August September
2004: January February March April May June July August September October November December
2003: January February March April May June July August September October November December
2002: January February March April May June July August September October November December
2001: May June July August September October November December

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Diaryland
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This morning, just for an instant, I felt it again. Felt that bubble of joy well up inside, making me want to laugh, to jump, to dance. It happened in the most unexpected of ways, in the most unexpected of places, passing by with a "good morning" and a "how are you?" in the hallway. Nothing spectacular, but for an instant, I felt it break through the numbness that has characterized far too much for far too long.

The bubble--I could almost physically feel it--that started at my toes and rose to my mouth, and I could feel it when it hit my stomach. It forced out a giggle, and pushed my toes up off the ground, just a little bit, and I could feel the music start to play at my fingertips, my toes, and my lips, teasing me, beckoning me, compelling me.

It came in an instant, and as fast as it came, it was gone, leaving only an empty space where a bubble used to be, forcing my heels back down onto the ground, taking the giggle out of my voice, and leaving the smile on my face the same painted one that has been there for months.

Hope? A reassurance that all is not lost? A sign that it's coming back, and that soon I'll feel that same life that I felt for so long, before it went away? Or is it all some cruel joke, just a taunting, tantalizing taste of what I used to have but don't anymore?
infinite || abyss