Mon, Mar. 29
... Give in to the pull
I'm so jealous that
Logan gets to bubble for a month. I want to bubble once this week is over! Ah well... May will be my bubbling month. And I suppose I could consider June in Europe bubbling as well. Yes, we'll think of it that way.
My parents made an interesting point after my showcase on Friday night--they said that it was very appropriate that I did it in the Rocky chapel, because of the number of significant events that have happened for me there. I know I've talked about it before, but this building has been such a huge part of my growth, because this was my church before it was the school. In terms of my spiritual growth, it's pretty major--I became a Christian in that room, I was dedicated there, and I had many moments.
From a theatrical perspective, though--that was the room where I was first onstage. For Sunday School pageants when I was a kid... that's where it all started. That's where I sang my first solo, where I had my first speaking parts, where I was first bitten by the acting bug. It seems fitting that I celebrate the completion of a degree in theatre in the same room where it all started. Not many people can say that, and it's definitely evidence of the roots I've got in this place--the impact it's had on me. I know it's just a building. It's just a room, and the showcase would have been as special in any other place, but the symbolism is nice. It's good. Roots are a good thing, as long as they don't become the be-all and end-all.
This week, I've been wondering what kind of an impact Hobbit will have on all these kids. I know that for a lot of them, it'll just be another school play, they'll endure it, and that'll be it. Some will do drama in high school, and do a little community theatre after that, but I wonder if we'll see some of their names in lights in 15 years, and know that we had a little bit to do with that. Maybe this will be that one show that made them love it--people talk about those defining moments in art, and maybe this will be it.
I overheard a little kid--one of the extras--in the hallway today. "This is sooooo cool!" It would help to remember that. Tech week can be such a seemingly disorganized mess, and it can look like nothing's going to come together... this is what we do with every show. They all look like this at some point, and I think we've become immune to sets, lights, sound equipment, and the magic. It takes something a lot bigger than plastic sets to impress us. But for some of these kids, this is pretty incredible, and this is the equivalent to being on a Hollywood set.
I wonder... you never know the difference you'll make until the end of the story.
Sometimes, I feel like God's preparing me to leave here. I don't know where to, I don't know when, and I don't know what for, but there are days when I feel like I'm being released, a little bit at a time. At this point, I have no plans to leave, but every time someone asks me about my plans for fall, I feel the need to add a disclaimer. "If I'm still here in September, that is." Are you planning on leaving? No, but you never know.
I'm reluctant to commit to things for next school year, and that's never been a problem for me before. Maybe it's just the fact that I know I'm graduating and things can be more free than they've ever been, in terms of where I live. That may be part of it. It may be, though, that I'm being prepared to leave here, and I don't know why. What else could there be out there for me besides Calgary?
All kinds of things. I know that's the right answer, but it's a tough one to admit when my roots are here.
Time will tell. If I need to leave, I need to be ready; if I need to stay, I need to be willing. My life isn't contingent on where I live.
One year ago today: What profound thoughts can I share today? I really don't know. I don't have many. I can gripe and complain and praise and discuss and analyze and rave about the rehearsal today. There are elements that I can do all of those with, but it would be kind of pointless. It doesn't matter; it's not going to change anything, and rehashing everything that went wrong is just going to make things worse. It's not going to make me or anyone else feel any better, and it's definitely not going to do as much good as just doing the rest of the week the best that I can will.
infinite || abyss
posted at 5:15 p.m.
