Sat, Aug 18
... Learning to fly
I'm not stupid. I know what's happening; I know what's going on and how I fit into things, and I'm still in it. I'm not going to give up. I refuse to give up now, and not because of stubbornness. I'm not obsessed, not caught in some trap, not stubborn because of something for my own good. It's a commitment I made, and I'm not going to back out of it. I'm still going to be here, no matter what, until God tells me that it's time to let go. And that time hasn't come yet. I don't know if it ever will, but it's not for me to question. If God wants me to do that, that time will come, but it's not here yet. What right now needs is the loyalty and the commitment to stick with the love that's there. It's not just about the feelings, it's about the whole picture. It's hard to see. I know things with my head but not with my heart all the time.
I'm so stinkin impatient... I want to know now how things are working out, but that's not what God's giving me right now, and I have to learn to be patient with that. It's a hard lesson to learn, but I hope I'm getting it. I really do... I want to be more like my Father, and the only way to do that is to go through things that will purge me of myself and clean out all the stuff that isn't His character. Go through the fire, and I'll be more like Him. That's the thing I want in life.
infinite || abyss
posted at 5:33 p.m.