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Alida: A 23-year-old Canadian exploring the infinite abyss that is New York City.

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I read... ---------- Jade Janna Jen and Mike John Kim Kristy Lara Laurel Lindsey Mia Morgan Robin Lee Shannon Trevor Vron

recent posts

Uncle Richard, me, and James Earl Jones - Tuesday, Apr. 04, 2006
So beautiful when the boy smiles - Sunday, Apr. 02, 2006
One way or another - Sunday, Dec. 25, 2005
Way up high - Saturday, Dec. 10, 2005
Reason to start over new - Friday, Dec. 09, 2005

archives

2005: January February March April May June July August September
2004: January February March April May June July August September October November December
2003: January February March April May June July August September October November December
2002: January February March April May June July August September October November December
2001: May June July August September October November December

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Diaryland
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I can't wait until I see you again. We'll be so happy together. Or if life has made you sad, I'll try to make you happy. And if I can't make you happy, then we'll be sad together.

That was written by a 17-year-old girl to her fiance during the Civil War. I wonder if he ever came back to her. If they were happy together. If she ever succeeded in making him happy after he returned. If he returned.

I just... wonder.

I wonder if realizations have come too late, and if so, how much too late? Two years? Two months? Two weeks? Or are they all right on time?

Time will tell, that's the slight irony.

I sound caustic and jaded. I'm not; I'm just tired. Tired, lonely, and frustrated. Wondering what tomorrow will bring, and waiting for life to turn into the fairy take I always thought it would be.

The thing is, though, that I never expected--or even wanted--it to be easy. I want to fight. I want to work and come out victorious, but knowing that it's only because of God's grace and the fact that I--that we--persevered. All I'm asking for is the chance to fight. Just the chance to prove it this time.

I sound so fatalistic. That's what I get for writing entries now, in the state of mind I'm in, and at this time of night. However, that's also what you get for reading my diary. This is mine, and I can write whatever I want, no matter how ridiculously melodramatic it sounds.

Some days, I just want to be held. I want to be sad together if I can't make you happy.
infinite || abyss