Tues, Mar. 19
... Where are you?
Silence
Take, take till there's nothing, nothing to turn to.
Nothing when you get through.
Won't you break, scatter pieces of all I've been.
Bowing to all I've been running to
I, I got a question
I got a question-
Where are you?
Did you leave me unbreakable?
Leave me frozen?
I've never felt so cold
I thought you were silent
I thought you left me for the wreckage and the waste
On an empty beach of faith
Was it true?
Scream, deeper I wanna scream
I want you to hear me
I want you to find me
I want to believe but all I pray is wrong and all I claim is gone
I, I got a question
I got a question-
Where are you?
Where are you?Jars of Clay
I'm scared of the good days. I don't know what they are; if they really are good days, or if all they are is a figment of my imagination. I know that I need to "think positive" and not "negative self-talk"... I know. I also know that that song has never felt so real. Those lyrics have never been so close to home.
Where are you?
Where is everything that I held onto? Why is it that everything I know and everything I cling to is taken away from under me? Where is my faith? Where has it gone? Why isn't it there anymore? What did I do to make it go away? How did I end up stranded here?
Yet I know I can't give up. I won't give up on you. I can't. I can't give up on everything that I've been for my entire life. It feels pointless, but someday, I'll see the point again. I just don't know where to start to get there. And I'm scared to start. I'm scared to try to come up again. I've gone up and down, and I don't know if I can handle coming back up and then going down again. Better to stay down, is it not?
No, it's not. I know that. But I don't know it right now. I'm holding onto faith because it's all I've got left, and I'm clinging by ythe barest thread.
I've told people so many times all the advice I need to hear now; everything anyone else has ever told me, I've told someone at some point.
I'm just tired.
Where are you?
infinite || abyss
posted at 6:25 p.m.
