Thurs, June 28
... Blindly with no rope
What to write? I never know how to start these. Sometimes I don't really even have an idea of what to write before I start, I just sit down and wait for some sort of inspiration to come. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't, and my entries end up looking like this one--pointless, mindless blathering about nothing in particular. I get to see Lynsae tonight. Woohoo! Exciting for me! I get to Podgy with Ness tomorrow! Even more excitement to add to my life. And, the highlight of my exciting weekend... I get to hang out with Jade on Sunday!
How do I feel about that, you ask? Very mixed feelings. I'm excited to see him again, but I'm so confused about everything that I don't know how it'll be. The good thing is that we haven't invested so much of ourselves emotionally into each other that, if things don't work out, we won't still be friends. The hardest thing is trying to be "just friends" with someone that you're really not just friends with. But Jade and I really are just friends. Friends who have acknowledged that there could be something more, but no more than friends at this point. My problem is that I haven't figured things out, and until I do, it's not fair to him to try to be something to him. Because right now, he's my second choice, and he doesn't deserve to be anyone's "backup plan"--he deserves to be her Prince Charming; her first and only choice. That's something I can't give him right now. I won't be able to for... who knows how long, if ever. I don't. In September, I'll know more, but not yet. Not yet. Maybe I won't even know then. It's going to be quite the summer. It's already been quite the summer.
So I'm going to go have a fun afternoon with one of my friends, and a few of his friends, and maybe we'll have to "talk" at some point (we will eventually; whether or not it's this weekend is the issue), but I'll deal with that when and if it comes up. Other than that, I'm just going to hang out and have a good time, trying to forget everything else that's going on.
If only it were that simple.
infinite || abyss
posted at 3:58 p.m.
