Tues, Jan. 7
... Where you are is where I belong
Hmmm. I'm sitting at the computer kiosk in Market Mall. I've been hanging out here, talking to
Kat, because I've been in the house all day. Not in a bad way--a relaxing way. Still, it's been all day. It was such a lazy day. No classes, no work, nothing to do. These days won't--don't--come very often, so I'm going to enjoy every minute of them while I can.
I heard some girl talking in the store beside me, and it sounded like my sister's voice. It's not her, though.
I find myself spending less time online than I used to. I used to spend hours browsing diaries and chatting online... now, I don't as much. I can still spend an hour or so on there, if I have a lot to read, or someone to talk to, but I definitely have fewer marathon midnight (or 4:00 a.m.) msn conversations. I'll go on, read, update, and be off pretty quickly. Maybe part of it is that the computer's up in my bedroom, not in or near the living room like it used to be. I don't know. But I think I'm less of a computer geek than I used to be.
Heh. And this coming from the girl who still obsessively updates every day. Oh well.
You know, I was never a mall rat when I was in high school. And then, when I went to college, and I'm supposed to be growing out of that phase, I kind of hit it. A lot later than everyone else.
I don't shop compulsively, though, and I'm definitely not wanting to be associated in any way, shape, or form with most of the high school kids that I see coming through the mall. It's just that now I have more friends who work here, so I'll come and hang out at their stores/kiosks (especially on slow nights) and talk to them. Shhh. Don't tell their bosses.
So I guess it's an excusable form of mall-rat-ness.
Oy. I need to go back to Kat's kiosk and keep her company.
One year ago today: I just wonder why I do it. Why am I spending all this money, all this time, all this effort to get my degree, when what I really want to do is be a mom, stay home, and raise a family. I "know" why I do it. I do it because, no matter what sort of ministry God calls me into, no matter where I go, I want to be the best that he's called me to be. I never want to do a half-hearted job for God, and this training, this experience will help me to be that best that God calls me to be. That's why I do it. It's just easy to lose sight of that sometimes; it's easy to look at all of this and say, "But I'm not going there!" But I never know. I don't know right now where God's going to call me; I don't know what I'm going to do in the long run.
infinite || abyss
posted at 7:01 p.m.
