Fri, June 24
... Lines I couldn't erase
My sinuses are trying to kill me. And their accomplice is my right eyeball. Oy. And only 6 more days until my wisdom teeth (or, by that point, lack thereof) begin to mastermind the pain-inducing process.
And do you think I have any clue what day it is? Nope. I thought it was Thursday for most of the day at work, and then when I got off security and came home, it felt like Saturday. I'm just jumping all over the map, with no real idea of where I'm at.
I feel like I should be starting to pack for New York, and putting the rest of my stuff in storage, but then I remind myself that it's still 2 months away, and I don't need to come close to worrying about it for at least another 6 weeks. It'll come more than soon enough, and until then, life is for living, not speculating. There are a million experiences to be had between now and September 1, and I'm not going to sell myself short of any of them.
Can I just say that I'm sick of victims? It's human nature to think that things are always someone else's fault, but it's really tiring to watch as an objective (mostly) observer. Come on. Grow up, people. Take responsibility for your own actions, and quit making yourself out to be the perfect little martyr who never did anything wrong.
All of us, myself included, can probably see a pattern in the things that seem to just "go wrong" in life, if we look hard enough, and are willing to recognize even the possibility that we are partially to blame. Fine, not fully. I think that there are very, very few situations where one person is entirely to blame. I know far too many people, though, who are willing to take their share of the blame.
Preaching to the choir, I know. And maybe somewhat hypocritical, since I'm sure I see myself through the same rosy glasses that I see others look through. At the same time, though, I don't think that I try to abdicate all responsibility and shove it off onto someone else. Maybe I don't always take enough, maybe sometimes I take too much, but I think that, for the most part, I can at least see that blame is shared.
Anyways. Just needed to get that off my chest. You know? It's just one of those situations that I wish didn't have to happen, but it did, and everyone wants someone to blame.
*sigh*
I get to see Kat in less than a week, so that makes everything better, right?
Funny story, and then I'll be done.
The other night, I phoned their house, and Christian answered the phone. This is pretty much how the first two minutes of our conversation went:
Alida: Hey, is Kat there?
Christian: No. What's the matter, can't you talk to me? Why do you want to talk to her anyways?
Alida: Because she's my sister.
Christian: No, she isn't.
Alida: Yes, she is. Maybe not by blood, but she's my sister.
Christian: No, she can't be your sister, because you're my sister, and if you're my sister, and she's your sister, that means that I'm married to my sister, and that just can't happen.
I have strange friends. I love them anyways, though.
One year ago today: I was thinking about my summers the other day... the most memorable pieces have been the solitude and rest. Two years ago, before I left on Testament, I had a week where I wasn�t working, and I was just getting ready to go. In rehearsal during the afternoons, but I had my late afternoons and evenings free, and I was just spending time by myself and with friends, relaxing.
infinite || abyss
posted at 10:43 p.m.
