Sat, Jan. 11
... Derailment
I got a fun new necklace from some of my cousins for Christmas, but I know I probably won't wear it all that often. I'm not much of a changing-jewelry kind of person. I have my standards, and I wear them day in and day out. When I change them, it's either for a really special occasion, or because I'm tired of these earrings, and I'm going to wear another pair until I change them again (in six months).
Six months ago. Wow... we were in Scotland, just about ready to come home from tour. We were a little more than a week away from coming home. Time flies. It doesn't feel like it's been that long--or like that much has happened--since then, but obviously, it has.
Some days, I feel like I'm looking back on my life from the end. "I lived a good life... I was happy, I had friends. I was a little lonely, and I wanted more, but I loved my God the best I could, and I loved the people around me as much as I could, but it just felt like something was missing." I suppose, in a sense, I am looking at it from the end. The end thus far, that is. Some days, though, it feels like just... the end.
It seems like I can't see much further ahead than the next couple of weeks--this semester at the longest. In a lot of ways, that's a good thing. I don't have my own plans, and I'm in a place where I'm more uninhibited to where God might want to lead me than I've been in the past. In many ways, I feel like I have nothing holding me here. Nothing holding me back from changing my entire way of living over the next year or so...
But that's a scary thought. I want to be held here. I want some reason to have to stay.
Wow. What a bizarre entry. Ranging everywhere from necklaces to leaving town. Sometimes, I wonder at my train of thought. Does it make sense to anyone else, because it certainly doesn't to me!
One year ago today: I'm showered, shampooed, contitioned, shaved, lotioned, plucked, masked, peeled, and polished. I feel like such a girly girl tonight, but it's so great. My legs are smooth--not a rushed, half-done job in a rush in the morning--and lotioned, so they're really soft. My eyebrows actually look like something besides bushes above my eyes. My face is all nice and smooth, thanks to a facial mask--one of the peel-off sorts that, when it dries, looks like saran wrap stretched over the face. My nails look good, for once. I put on some good girly Celine Dion music, love songs that I used to listen to in junior high.
infinite || abyss
posted at 4:26 p.m.
