Mon, Sept 24
... Bittersweet memory
It's incredible how exhausting emotions can be. The past two days have been roller coaster days--worried, frightened, excited, laughing my head off, crying, angry, upset, surprised... the whole nine yards. They're wonderful things--I'm so glad God gave us emotion, but some days, they're almost too much to handle. They come and go so quickly. I guess it's healthy to be able to switch between emotions as a response to stimuli, and not let one ruin the entire day, but that gets to be a lot sometimes.
I feel so helpless. Like I can do nothing. I know that I can, and have to, pray, and that's the biggest thing that I could ever do, but sometimes it feels like so little. I want to be able to be there, to be a shoulder to cry on, to listen, and not just hear everything second hand. I want to be there for every part of the good and the bad times, not just the good times, or worse than that, the superficial accounts of all times. I want to be the one who's there for all of it, but right now, I can't be, and that's a hard thing to realize. I understand in my head, but my heart doesn't always get the picture: that right now my place is to be here, and be supportive and available, but not to try to fix things, because I can't.
I'm so concerned, though. That's really not all that productive, unless in my worry, I take it to God. When I'm at a place where that comes into so many of my thoughts and affects my day in such a huge way, really the only thing to do about it is to pray about it, and use that as the reminder to give it to God. Otherwise, I just end up worrying about something that I can't change.
Anyways, I'm tired, and I feel as though I'm being defeated. I'm not; I know that, but I feel like I am right now. I need to go deal with that, and then go to bed. So, sweet dreams, all.
infinite || abyss
posted at 11:31 p.m.
